"Annus Horibilis"
Which is a term that was famously coined by Queen Elizabeth II and is Latin for “What a bad fucking year that was”.
Not to be confused with Anus Horibilis, which is currently playing on The Spice Channel, and has it’s moments.
Anyway, this term can be used to describe the last year, which sucked ass, in my opinion.
In April of last year, I stepped on a broken glass and nearly passed out and bled to death before
I could crawl to a phone. I spent the next two weeks bed-ridden, then was on crutches for a month, and then walked with a cane for another month. When I wasn’t drugged up, it usually hurt like a motherfucker.
Also, my wife and mother of my children left me, which was unpleasant.
Yes, that year was a piece of crap.
Apparently, not a great annus for most of my friends and family either, I’m finding. Just found out that my cousin, who, like myself, is 38 years-old and has two young children, is divorcing her husband, primarily because she is not a fan of his banging their live-in Russian au pair.
Word of this latest marital dissolution brings to NINE (9!) the running total of friends of mine who, like me, have gotten divorced in the last twelve months. This accounts for roughly half of my friends on the planet.
Seriously, what are the odds?
Well, having taken four courses of advanced statistics during my collegiate years, I can say with confidence that that just seems like a lot.
As with the discovery this year that the majority of my friends are in therapy, I’m starting to take this personally. So, I’m led to believe a statistically causal relationship is at play here on the order of one or more of the following:
1) Being embarrassingly inept at human relationships, I’m naturally drawn to as well as attract others with the same interpersonal affliction.
2) Just knowing me causes enough emotional and psychological upheaval that one’s very concept of long-lasting love and commitment is shaken to the core, causing one to doubt the viability of any and all sustaining human bonds.
3) Most of my friends are in their mid-thirties and it is often around this time that, following the initial excitement and novelty of getting together, then getting married, then finding a career, then maybe having kids … that we are forced to take a hard look at the reality of the rest of our lives and who we really are and what we want to be, and, well … the other person ain’t always in that picture (apologies, as I think this was once every episode of thirtysomething).
4) Long-term relationships aren’t really natural, or even sensible, and exist only when either or both parties delude themselves into buying into some romanticized ideal of “True Love” or some crap.
Ok, I’m gonna take #1 & #2 as givens.
#3: I think there’s a lot to this social construct.
#4: I don't believe this, but I've noticed that there are a new breed of books out now that all have this concept as a central thesis. Saw a television program the
other day in which Kurt Vonnegut, world-renowned authority on anthropology studies, stated that marriage and coupling is unnatural--that the human specie thrives best in “packs”. Maybe there's something to his theory on some level, but have you seen Kurt Vonnegut lately? Seems like a bitter old man that probably hasn’t gotten laid in ages.
Anyway.
Discuss.
Not to be confused with Anus Horibilis, which is currently playing on The Spice Channel, and has it’s moments.
Anyway, this term can be used to describe the last year, which sucked ass, in my opinion.
In April of last year, I stepped on a broken glass and nearly passed out and bled to death before
I could crawl to a phone. I spent the next two weeks bed-ridden, then was on crutches for a month, and then walked with a cane for another month. When I wasn’t drugged up, it usually hurt like a motherfucker.Also, my wife and mother of my children left me, which was unpleasant.
Yes, that year was a piece of crap.
Apparently, not a great annus for most of my friends and family either, I’m finding. Just found out that my cousin, who, like myself, is 38 years-old and has two young children, is divorcing her husband, primarily because she is not a fan of his banging their live-in Russian au pair.
Word of this latest marital dissolution brings to NINE (9!) the running total of friends of mine who, like me, have gotten divorced in the last twelve months. This accounts for roughly half of my friends on the planet.
Seriously, what are the odds?
Well, having taken four courses of advanced statistics during my collegiate years, I can say with confidence that that just seems like a lot.As with the discovery this year that the majority of my friends are in therapy, I’m starting to take this personally. So, I’m led to believe a statistically causal relationship is at play here on the order of one or more of the following:
1) Being embarrassingly inept at human relationships, I’m naturally drawn to as well as attract others with the same interpersonal affliction.
2) Just knowing me causes enough emotional and psychological upheaval that one’s very concept of long-lasting love and commitment is shaken to the core, causing one to doubt the viability of any and all sustaining human bonds.
3) Most of my friends are in their mid-thirties and it is often around this time that, following the initial excitement and novelty of getting together, then getting married, then finding a career, then maybe having kids … that we are forced to take a hard look at the reality of the rest of our lives and who we really are and what we want to be, and, well … the other person ain’t always in that picture (apologies, as I think this was once every episode of thirtysomething).
4) Long-term relationships aren’t really natural, or even sensible, and exist only when either or both parties delude themselves into buying into some romanticized ideal of “True Love” or some crap.
Ok, I’m gonna take #1 & #2 as givens.
#3: I think there’s a lot to this social construct.
#4: I don't believe this, but I've noticed that there are a new breed of books out now that all have this concept as a central thesis. Saw a television program the
other day in which Kurt Vonnegut, world-renowned authority on anthropology studies, stated that marriage and coupling is unnatural--that the human specie thrives best in “packs”. Maybe there's something to his theory on some level, but have you seen Kurt Vonnegut lately? Seems like a bitter old man that probably hasn’t gotten laid in ages.Anyway.
Discuss.
posted by David at 1:57 PM
7 Comments:
Dave,
Don't beat yourself up. I only blame you for about 10% of my problems. 20 tops.
I think there's something to be said for the mid-30's argument. (Although we're both closer to late 30's...let's not kid ourselves. And when the hell did that happen?)
Forward, my brother. Forward.
1) Turn on your word verification to get rid of those spammers.
2) Having been a witness to at least half of your last year, I have to agree that it seems like the reproduction of divorces has been practically viral.
3) This isn't your fault.
4) If you don't believe in love, life gets really depressing.
5) Marriage is an enterprise that needs to be taken equally seriously by both parties.
5a) Infidelity is Never Ever acceptable and is only the fault of the person who can't keep his or her pants on.
5b) It is not hard to keep your pants on when you are a grown up who knows that sex doesn't solve your problems.
6) I believe that our culture doesn't support people who are trying to work through tough times -- instead, it sends the message that pulling the rip cord is the only way to "rediscover yourself and find happiness."
6a) I also believe that many believe "rediscovering themselves and finding happiness" involves having ridiculous amounts of sex with people they perhaps shouldn't have sex with.
7) Each of us is only responsible for our own decisions.
8) It's not your fault that lots of this bad stuff is happening all at once.
9) I think that's all I have to say about that.
Zhliunan - We never just talk anymore. And your browser sucks.
Dunnski Love - Yes, life was easier when we were in our mid-twenties and all we had to worry about was you doing our homework and coming up with the $1.50 for a taco lunch at Smokey Joe's. $1.50 for three tacos!?! Those were the days.
Voix - Well stated. I agree with everything you've got there. Maybe that's why we get along so well. Plus, you can really cook stuff good, which is a nice bonus.
Please write another post so I don't have to see that foot picture every time I check your blog.
Eww.
Seriously. That foot haunts my dreams. Could you at least photoshop a little voice bubble so I can imagine it as "Footy", a lovable character from a long-forgotten TV show?
By the way, mad props for using "social construct".
Fun post. I also liked Anus Horibilis, thanks for the recommendation there. Unfortunately it was only available as part of a 6 hour block for $11.99. I don't recommend Skinderella, which was its double feature.
My wife and I just had a discussion about potential upcoming child-care issues, and the idea of an au pair came up, of course with the realization by both of us that the only real sticking point was the possibility of an extra-marital affair.
Not knowing you, except it a very friendster sense (1 deg.) I won't comment on Nos. 1 or 2.
I agree and disagree with No. 4. I am inclined to think that long-term relationships are natural to a certain extent. Of course my main basis for this is direct study and observation of the behavior of the great apes, some of our closest relatives, who seem to enjoy some stable, though not holy alliances. I completely disagree with the idea that a long-term relationship is not sensible, particularly for the rearing of offspring. I agree whole heartedly with the idea that people must delude themselves into buying into a long-term monogomous relationship. Unfortunate, I suppose, but it ends up working out well. I don't think anyone who knows me or my wife thinks the foundation of our relationship is something as ephimerial as "true love" and frankly, I don't think either one of us knows what it is based on, but it works. Mutual respect is my closest guess. (With all your comments on divorce I will add - at least for now).
With regard to No. 3, that seems to be the big difference between us and other couples. Both of us are very far from idealists when it comes to how we view relationships and I think so often idealism is the death knell of relationships. There was some excitement when we got together, but mostly a lot of long talks where we got to know eachother and slowly decided that our goals were pretty compatible. I took 1 day off work and we eloped. We had both started and struggled with our careers prior to getting married. Having our son was a highlight, but both of us are completely focused on building a quality home life rather than any sense of "excitement." Most everything is pretty boring, which is pretty exciting when you step back from it. And finally, I think when people hit that midlife crisis they again have incredibly idillic views about how they want the rest of their life to be.
If I lived my life pining for a whirlwhind courtship, a picture-perfect wedding day, a romantic honeymoon with a year-long afterglow, a wonderful pregnancy, and children who loved and adored me every moment, followed by either a single or married phase jet-setting around the world to exotic vacation locales, I'd be disappointed with how things worked out as well. My strong presumption is that's not you, but everyone who buys into that needs more than a self-help book to undue that mess.
Fun post. I also liked Anus Horibilis, thanks for the recommendation there. Unfortunately it was only available as part of a 6 hour block for $11.99. I don't recommend Skinderella, which was its double feature.
My wife and I just had a discussion about potential upcoming child-care issues, and the idea of an au pair came up, of course with the realization by both of us that the only real sticking point was the possibility of an extra-marital affair.
Not knowing you, except it a very friendster sense (1 deg.) I won't comment on Nos. 1 or 2.
I agree and disagree with No. 4. I am inclined to think that long-term relationships are natural to a certain extent. Of course my main basis for this is direct study and observation of the behavior of the great apes, some of our closest relatives, who seem to enjoy some stable, though not holy alliances. I completely disagree with the idea that a long-term relationship is not sensible, particularly for the rearing of offspring. I agree whole heartedly with the idea that people must delude themselves into buying into a long-term monogomous relationship. Unfortunate, I suppose, but it ends up working out well. I don't think anyone who knows me or my wife thinks the foundation of our relationship is something as ephimerial as "true love" and frankly, I don't think either one of us knows what it is based on, but it works. Mutual respect is my closest guess. (With all your comments on divorce I will add - at least for now).
With regard to No. 3, that seems to be the big difference between us and other couples. Both of us are very far from idealists when it comes to how we view relationships and I think so often idealism is the death knell of relationships. There was some excitement when we got together, but mostly a lot of long talks where we got to know eachother and slowly decided that our goals were pretty compatible. I took 1 day off work and we eloped. We had both started and struggled with our careers prior to getting married. Having our son was a highlight, but both of us are completely focused on building a quality home life rather than any sense of "excitement." Most everything is pretty boring, which is pretty exciting when you step back from it. And finally, I think when people hit that midlife crisis they again have incredibly idillic views about how they want the rest of their life to be.
If I lived my life pining for a whirlwhind courtship, a picture-perfect wedding day, a romantic honeymoon with a year-long afterglow, a wonderful pregnancy, and children who loved and adored me every moment, followed by either a single or married phase jet-setting around the world to exotic vacation locales, I'd be disappointed with how things worked out as well. My strong presumption is that's not you, but everyone who buys into that needs more than a self-help book to undue that mess.
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